Nightmare

I woke up from some nightmare this morning, and found that it was about 5:45 am.

The dream was about taking some examination in some hall at University, which greatly reassembled the Business School building of the University I attend when I was young. IN the dream, I was so worry about missing tons of questions in my exam, and was discussing answers with my friends. The interesting thing is that I can't remember the face of my "Friends" in the dream. They were all blurry now that I looked back.

And then the dream turned into some movie shots with Steven Chow, and it was some random scenes about chasing and such,

And I woke up after that.

I was quite sure that I had that nightmare because I pretty much forgot every steps in the dance exercise, and I pretty much went through the class in fear. One positive result from the fear was that now I started to remember those steps a little bit here and a little bit there, thus there should be a better chance for me to finish them properly next Sunday. I still better ask someone to clarify those steps before next Sunday night though.

It wasn't any better during the drum set playing Sunday morning at Sunday service, neither. There were a few moments which my brain blanked out, and I suddenly had no idea what I need to play. I didn't know why, but it feels like I suddenly lose confidence or so. My mind always play that sort of strange tricks on me.

I was not quite able to answer my friend's question yesterday during lunch at Chinese restaurant. He asked me why I continues learning dancing, and I couldn't pull out the answer right away. The most horrible part was that I still couldn't come up a convincing answer even if you ask me now. Somehow it's as if it's a habit, or trying to make a closure on something. I have an intention of trying to fix something I broke before, or stubbornly spending effort on things that I started and haven't really quite finished. I hate leave something half baked. To me, dance is like a half baked cake now.

But then, should I cutting the lost and start invest my time on something that I really good at? Here comes the embarrassing part: I couldn't think of anything that I am particularly good at. And being a lazy person, I rationalize with myself that maybe I should start reshuffling my life when I finally found something that I am really good at.

Eventually, it would be some external force that changes my life habit, like a change of job, relocation, or the combination. Ironically, this can happen to me more frequent that other people since I am a contractor and I need to constantly finding new job everything half or one year. I am also in the process of immigration, so there will be an major relocation for me in the coming one to two years, if everything goes as planned (unfortunately, it wasn't).

It's kind of sad though when I think about it, that my life was driven by all these external force. All these thoughts really depressed me, and when I depress I sleep.

Let me sleep a bit more now. It's 6:27pm.

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Woke up, and it's 6:57 pm. I started to remember more pieces of the Sunday night dance practice exercises, and they were all so fragmented. Well, something is better than my clear-like-snow state of memory last Sunday night.

I am not feeling as much pain when breathing now. Yet when I cough I can still feel the chase pain. And when I sneeze it hurts a lot. All these was because of me slamming the butt of my dance partner to my chest oh so many times. It's all my fault, so I am not complain, but merely stating the fact just for the record.