Hollywood Star

I was puzzled by my colleagues' response after I gave him a birthday gift. So I wrote this letter to him:

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I forgot whether you will come in on this Friday or not. If you don't, by the time you read this, I should have been gone. In fact, my network account should have been inactivated or even erased. Your memory about me will also be erased, just like what happened to Jim Carrey in the movie "eternal sunshine on spotless mind", after you drink water coming out of the water cooler (don't drink water from the water cooler).

But all that doesn't matter. At least at this moment you still remember me. Catch this moment.

I hope you enjoy the birthday gift I gave you. I usually don't give birthday gift even to very close friends. Something very bad happened to me when I was young that has something to do with birthday gift. Since then I hate birthday and birthday gift, just like that girl in the movie "Gremlins" hated Christmas because her dad was found dead in the chimney on Christmas Eve dressing as Santa Claus.

But I thought giving you a birthday gift is a good idea. After all, you are the one who has the most geek credit in the office, yet I found it a bit frustrating that your geek credit didn't get you the respect you deserved. But don't worry. The rating of the show "the Big Bang Theory" is going up, and you reminds me a character in the show. That means you are going to be a TV star. Start packing up and go to Hollywood as soon as possible.

Plus I've never seen people give out birthday gift in birthday lunch in the company, as if "dude, you should be thankful enough that I come" or something like that. So I got the idea on Thursday while driving in the morning, and then rushed to BestBuy at 11 am, picked up something that was geeky and interesting: a gift card with a speaker. And I thought, dude, he might find it enjoyable.

Seems like I was wrong.

Because after you received the gift, you didn't say a thing. You didn't say a thing even after you got back to the office. You didn't say a thing even after you left and then came back again and then walked by my cubical and then saw me and then walked away once again.

So I was pretty puzzled.

I thought, maybe he hated the gift so much that the anger rendered him to speechless. Or maybe he actually hate receiving birthday gift because that reminds him something terrible, just like how I remember terrible things associate with birthday gift since my childhood. Or he thought getting a $10 gift card is so cheap that it's basically an insult. Or maybe he simply hates me, period.

Well all these things do not matter anymore, because I am already gone, and you shouldn't remember me by now.

In fact, why are you still reading this? Who are you? Are you the Nigerian prince who needs my check account number. It's 564346. I'll send you the credit card number later.

Peace, my prince (... this is what the sounds like, when doves cry ...).

DK
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