"They don't like me"

This is second time I gave a ride to Stephen and Chris, and after chatting with him these last 2 times, I was shocked to find out how much we are alike.

Stephen is a pianist at school I took ballet class from. We actually didn't talk much back when he was playing piano for our class. In fact, I tried initiate conversation with him twice, and didn't get much response from him. Since then I said hi to him a few times, and that was pretty much it. The longest conversation I had with him was when I told him how much I appreicate his piano improvisation. He said "thank you", and that was pretty much it.

And so the 2 years passed.

Then, last Tuesday, I left the ballet with a bit of melancholy, thinking how little improvement I did in the last 1 year, still puzzled about my teacher seemingly avoid chatting with me before and after class (did I do something wrong, accidentally offended her, or maybe I am too boring to chat with, or maybe I am physically stink ...), and then, once again, remind myself to accept the fact that "you are suck at deal with people".

As I was about to leave the building, I saw Stephen chatted with teenagers, seemed like trying to sort something out. He saw me, and asked, "excuse me, where do you live?"

"Sharpstown area. Need a ride?" I replied without thinking twice.

And so I gave him and his friend Chris (he's the security guard at the school) a ride home. Surprised, he was very talkative all the way while I was driving. I made a few comments here and there, but mostly I was just encouraging him to say more.

"Thank you so very much" he said when he got out of the car near the place he lived at. I smiled and waved goodbye, and then I added, "by the way, let me know if you need a ride again next week."

I meant it when I said it. But then I didn't actually think that he and his friend will need a ride again.

So I was slightly surprised when Chris came to the changing room tonight after the class and asked, "do you mind giving us a ride?" No problem, I replied.

Once again, Stephen was very talkative. But unlike last time, which we were mainly talking about politics, this time he talked about himself.

"They don't like me", he said. "Don't get me wrong. The people at the office are nice people. But somehow, they just don't like me ... except when they need me."

I tried to comfort him, and even promised to give him a Christmas gift, something that he didn't get from the parents of the students year after year seeing other teachers and office staff getting all kinds of gifts from those parents. Somehow, though, I saw myself through him. Like him, I feel like most people like my talent, the stuff I made and the service I can provide instead of me as a person. Like him, I constantly remind myself that "I don't care what the fuck the other thinks about me the odd people"and most of the time we successfully convinced ourselves that we are a-ok, until one day we found someone who's as odd as we are, and then we sharing again and again about how much we don't care about the others.

P.S. my friend just old me about her drunken experience. And I was just thinking, reading what I just wrote, it shows how I can behave like drunken without actually drinking.